the day I was sad…

I was smoking alone in silence. The only sound I hear was the sound of my lungs and the air I exhaled. There was not a single sight of companion that came into view. I continued breathing in the thick gas as I kiss the orange butt of my cigarette. And silence continued. It went on like there was nothing that could stop it.

And silence was all there was.

Even the song of the wind was not heard. Everything was still.The trees seemed rested for a while from the dance they use to sway in. Not an insect even dared to break the blanket of silence that enveloped the place.

The table where I sit was weathered as if it had wearied out from serving anyone who chose to use it. Rust shared with the red paint on the surface of its pole, to the pavement until the square roof. That cottage stood there all the time, waiting for a creature to join it. It has nothing to offer but a seat and silence.

The air was cold then. The day turned dark with the heavy clouds that filled the sky. It rained. I reached for another cigarette and lighted the dried leaves at its edge; breathing in the pain to my throat as drops of rain poured hard to the ground. No one can then be with me.

And solitude continued.

The sound of the rain reminded me of the noise that I use to hear. I miss the noise that the wind sings to me. And the dance of the grasses and swaying leaves. And the laughs that colored the cottage with bright red.

I long for a smile to drop by here.

I hope it will be soon.

I continued sitting there until I finished a stick.

I used to be, but

I used to spend time at the back of the Admin’s AVR. Just sitting there as I smoke and watch the green masterpiece in front of me. My thoughts float in the air with the swinging leaves of the trees and grasses. It’s awesome how they move gracefully to the rhythm of the blowing wind. It’s peaceful there. Only the silent song of nature is what I can hear. And I float to feeling of solitude that it brings me. Just the space in my day that I needed so I can think how life had gone on with me.

I used to wear a T-square and a bag of triangles and pens before. I was an engineering student. Life was so fast and rigorous then. I had to beat deadlines and sink in to mathematical and chemistry problems. Everyday was a torture.

I decided to stop it.

I used to be the a student writer before I entered college. I wrote editorials, features and anything in the school paper. I always want to share the thoughts in my mind. I always wanted to make something that feels good.

And so I realized; I want to write more.

I always remember this thought when I suffered the complications of being an engineering student. I hated being stucked with a calculator and some bunch of drawing instruments. I’m not happy with it. They led me away from serenity which I preferred to waste myself on. I longed to get away from it and wander on a more beautiful field: something that has my heart. Something that is creative.

I then seek for that place I was looking for.

I used to listen to music everytime. I was hooked to the thoughts it pierces to my soul. The emotions the kind of music I listen made me more eager to find that place where my heart is. I needed to find it, a place that can be imaginative and is full of music.

After a wasted year in college, I then found myself at the back of Admin’s AVR. Sitting there and smoke, looking at nothing and think how I have become. I am now a BAE student. I already found the place I was looking for; the imaginative world of writing.

I always did not know what to do with my life. But as I am often reminded by my thoughts: I want to write more.

And so I knew what to do then, I just want to write.