broken hearts and concrete floors

(note: this will gored with purple patches)

(Ignition…Clutch…First Gear…)

The rain outside the window  seemed to never end as i hoped it would be. The sky’s not clouded but only dark. I was on my way home. The dashboard was the only view aside from the long road I was taking. I knew the directions but I was  going nowhere.

‘Pouring over photographs…I’m living in your letters…breath’, the stereo’s whining with the sad thoughts from the track it plays. I had no choice but to hear it over and over again for I was busy driving home. And the windshield wipers kept on waving with the music. The soaked pavement of the front lawn of my house drawn in mind’s still a mile away.

A postcard laid next to the lighter and the cigarette case. The sight of it tempted to light a stick. But, my head ache forbade me to. It’s the best thing to do at times cold like those but it was good as a filler on the dashboard’s empty space at that moment.

(Clutch…Brake…Reverse Gear…)

Looking back I remembered myself sitting by a chair holding a glass of vodka on my right hand and it’s half filled bottle on the other. The room was warm from the burning wood by the furnace. I enjoyed watching every twig turn to coal. I watched them while slouching on my favorite couch. And just as the last twig burned black, my back grew tired of my position and I started to sit erect. The window was the first thing I saw. I let my eyes see further.

It was starting to pour outside. It was the end of summer.

I bade the best season of the year so long as I raise my glass to it and took a sip. The liquor slid straight from my tongue, to my throat and down below leaving heat and made me feel the summer I missed for a while.

The room was poorly lit by a lamp shade next to an empty couch in front of me. I gazed around. I looked at the fridge for the second time. And this time, I took the courage to stare straight at the note stuck on it’s door. I filled my glass full until the last drop of the bottle I was holding. And then, I zoned out with my sight fixed at the note I haven’t read yet.

…Summer rushed in large amounts of memories within me, the heat first burned my body and then squeezed my brain. My skin perspired and my forehead dripped sweats to my temples. I let out a calloused sigh. ‘That was too much of head ache’, I said, ‘too much that it had my heart throbbed with pain.’

The bottle I held was on the carpet and the glass was already in pieces by the floor. It’s fall was not saved by the thick cloth an inch from it.

My watch struck 12 am. I had no time to clean it over for I had to go. I took the note and headed to the car.

I placed it on the dashboard and started the engine.

(Clutch…Gear First…Second…Third…Fourth…Fifth…)

I was in a hurry that I even forgot to close  the door. No time to waste. I had to drive fast to the station.

There were only empty seats when I arrived. It started to rain hard. I wanted to wait for someone but there was no longer no one to wait for. I just headed home.

‘If only that place never existed, there would have not been a great university there. That glass could have not been broken. It could have been a cloudless night. I could’ve stopped the rain.’, I realized myself talking while I tried to keep the car running straight avoiding the concrete road’s shoulder.

And everything was quiet inside. I hoped for the passenger seat to speak but it didn’t. I changed the speed to gear fifth and stepped on the gas like I was hoping the car had sixth gear.

I stretch my hand for a stick and the lighter. I ignored my aching head and lit it up. I was driving with only one hand on the steering wheel at top but still I felt I had to read the note again. ‘This distance seems terrible…’

CRASH!

My head was stuck at the steering wheel but my hand still held the paper ‘…there’s no need to test my heart with useless space. These roads go on forever, they’ll always be a place for you in my heart.’ It read.

I looked at the wall I just hit. It was dry. Only my blood  soaked the pavement wet. It made me realize that making up a false rain does not help an absence stricken heart.

And the song on the stereo went until the end, ‘…Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you’re ten.’

ooOoo

Dashboard Confessional. “Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors” Swiss Army Romance. Fiddler Records, 2000.

…for those who did not understand this piece of flash,.just leave a comment.